Joseph Who!?!

Got this e-mail:

Hello Dear ,
I write to inform you that the security company has released the consignment to their delivery agent for shipment to you in USA.Please receive the consignment for me when the representative arrives with it,you can take your 10% commission out of the fund then keep the rest safe for me .I am still thinking of the right business to invest on with the remaining $9m (nine million usd).Please send your address to me so that the export documents will bear your name as the final beneficiary

The agent is ready to deliver as soon as the documents are processed.I await your response

Joseph.

Now, I'm going to answer it in the manner in which it deserves to be answered...

Dear Joseph,

For starters, I have a name: Ainsley Jo Phillips (or you can just call me Ainsley Jo or AJ--though I think that Miss Phillips might be better in your case, as I don't know that I want to become that familiar with you for reasons I'll be stating later).

Anyway, what in Sam Hill happened to my name?

The Dear part was there followed by a blank space and a comma. Perhaps, you think that my name is Blank Space. Is that it? Or, did your dog eat my name when he got bored with a diet of homework?

If one of your representatives comes knocking at my door, I might not answer, as I like to compute in the nude and am generally too busy/lazy to put on clothes unless I know I'm expecting company--and want to receive said company at such a time.

Okay! I will--should this happen when pigs fly--take out my ten percent commission and will suggest that the remainder of the money be invested in yours truly. I'm very good at finding ways to enjoy it, so you should invest in me. Don't even THINK of investing in anyone or anything else. me! Me!! ME!!! MeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yes...about sending your address to me...I don't think so. Because I believe that you're talking trash (which is why I've chosen not to become too familiar with you), I wouldn't be all that thrilled with having you (or any of your associates) to show up on my doorstep.

I'll tell you what, however--I'm going to suggest a great business partner for you. His name is Bugs Bunny, and he lives in a rabbit hole. Why not find it (identified by his mailbox), go down there, and visit with him for awhile.

Oh yes! My REAL suggestion is that you just go down the first hole in the ground to which you come and look for Bugs Bunny, as his mailbox might have gotten shot down by Elmer Fudd and/or Yosemite Sam. Stay down there and look for Bugs Bunny for as long as you like, and leave your blasted computer at home so that you won't be sitting around and using it to write spam like this.

Good Riddance!
Miss Phillips :-(